Carelessly Spoken Words

There are many adages concerning words. One of the most recognizable is: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." This maxim couldn't be further from the truth. Words DO have the power to inflict deep hurt.

We are all guilty of speaking without thought to the consequences. It's just as impossible for us to know the impact our words will have as it is for us to measure every word we say. We can never be certain they will be received in the same manner in which they were spoken.

Many times, carelessly spoken words have no real malicious intent, yet they have the ability to reopen old wounds or leave ugly scars. How our words are received largely depends on the mood of the person to whom they are spoken and the inner battles with which they struggle.

For example: On a website I frequent, someone recommended I add a former high school classmate. When I sent a 'friend request' to this person, it was responded to with a "Do I know you?". Further comment indicated he looked up my picture in the year book, but he still didn't remember "anyone" like me.

This, in some circumstances, wouldn't have phased me. However, (and here that old bi-polar monster rears its ugly head) because I'm struggling with my depression today, those words slammed into me and significantly contributed to already established feelings of low self-worth. My logical self tells me there was no malicious intent in his comments, yet it's difficult to keep from feeling like a non-entity...of no significance.

For me, logic will eventually win out, but in the mean time my inner battle has become more conflicted because of these carelessly spoken words. For some, these type words could inflict insurmountable damage.

A story comes to mind about two teenage boys who became fast friends after a chance meeting on the way home from school. One boy was a bit of a misfit; the other was quite popular. The popular boy had seen the other one around school, but normally paid him little attention because he wasn't part of the "in" crowd. When they bumped into each other this particular day, they struck up a conversation and the popular boy wound up inviting the misfit into his home. They spent many hours talking and learned they had much in common. As the story turns out, the misfit had reached a point in his life where he felt nobody cared, that he was a non-entity and of no significance, and decided he was going to commit suicide when he got home that day. However, when the popular boy spoke to him and took time to get to know him, it changed his mind...and his life.

Many people are very plain spoken and care little about how their words will be received. They fail to see why others don't think the way they do. To them, it's a very black and white world. These people have developed callouses to shield them from the world seeing their vulnerabilities.

Others are always mindful of the way they phrase things lest their words being taken the wrong way or hurt someones feelings. For them, life is full of gray areas. These people tend to wear their feelings on their sleeves and are easily hurt by other's carelessly spoken words.

I especially think about young children. As we grow and mature, we tend to forget how we perceived things when we were young. Children take things very literally. When dealing with young, impressionable minds, our words can make all the difference in the world.

So, I ask that each of you think about this: Words are very powerful. They have the ability to heal or to mortally wound. To strengthen or to crush. To increase self-esteem or to strip away self-worth. To promote personal potential or to stunt growth. To increase understanding or to slam doors.

What impact will your carelessly spoken words have on others?

More on Bi-polar Disorder

In reading through my last blog (after some concern expressed by one of my mentors), it occurred to me that I need to clarify some things.

Please...PLEASE...understand that I am not recommending that anyone with Bi-polar disorder take the course of action I did. Bi-polar disorder can be a very traumatic, debilitating condition. It can wreak havoc on not only the person suffering with the condition, but also on those who love them. There is no shame in taking advantage of medical intervention...IF it works for you.

Unfortunately, I did not respond well to drug therapy. Instead, I went into a drug-induced psychosis. My quality of life was severely impaired by the drug therapy, and I was not willing to risk the possibility that shock therapy could rob me of my identity. For me, the choice was simple.

Should I have sought out another doctor who was willing to try different combinations of medications? Possibly. Thanks to the outpatient counseling I attended as part of my treatment (as well as doing a great deal of research on my own) , I have been able to manage my condition for six years now without the use of medications. This therapy gave me the necessary tools to make the decision I did. I learned a great deal about my disorder, learned to recognize the symptoms of the various cycles and was taught excellent coping mechanisms. Not everyone can do this...and, again, I don't recommend it for everyone.

The whole point to my previous blog was to point out how important it is for one to take control of their condition, choose the right course of treatment for themselves, and NOT be victims of their condition...not only for themselves, but for those who love them and suffer the impact of the person not taking the necessary steps to manage their condition. Learn everything you can about your condition; find out how others have successfully managed theirs. If medication works for you, by all means take advantage of it. But if it doesn't, get another opinion. Seek out another doctor if yours isn't willing to try different combinations of medications to find the right one(s) for you. Do what is necessary to help you function well.