Choices

This weekend was very difficult for me. I watched someone I love dearly struggle with anger and depression. This illness truly does hurt, not just the person who struggles with it, but those who care about the, as well. As this weekend played out, there were a couple of lessons in this for me.

Firstly, I was reminded of the story about the man who taught his son about the effect of harsh words by having the boy drive nails into a wooden fence, then pull them out and look at the holes left behind. The nails represented angry, harsh words. Removing them demonstrated that we can take the words back, but we can never undo the damage they leave behind.

That old childhood adage "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." couldn't be more wrong. Words CAN harm and leave emotional scars behind, especially when children are involved. Our true friends and family cannot understand where the anger and rage comes from. All they know is that we have lashed out at them and it appears there is nothing they can do right. This damages their self-esteem and their growth potential, and at some point will make them question whether they want to continue to be subjected to the negativity.

Regardless of the punishment, we should never deal with children when we are in the thoes of anger. I'm not saying children shouldn't be corrected when they misbehave or don't follow instructions. Children need structure. However, we need to think carefully about how we correct them. Is their behavior a result of them simply being children? Or are we demanding they act like adults? Is the corrective action teaching and giving guidance? Or is it demanding they bend to our way of doing things? Children need nurturing, even when being disciplined. They need structure, not tyranny.

The second thing that comes to mind goes back to something I said last week. It's all about choices.

Having battled depression most of my life, I know, first hand, how frustrated and helpless it makes one feel. I understand how difficult it is to NOT feel that others don't care or are not hearing what we have to say. It is exhaustive to struggle, day in and day out, to maintain ones sanity. It's extremely difficult to NOT give in to being jerked around by the mood swings, the hopelessness. Depression leaves one feeling very alone and unimportant. It can be devastating, especially when it's coupled with a background of being told what you have to say doesn't matter; that your thoughts are of no consequence.

Several years ago, following the death of my mother, I went through a severe depression and was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I succumbed. I became a victim. I lost six months out of my life. The doctor was at a loss as to what to do for me because I wasn't responding to the medications. Instead, I began having psychotic episodes (which I found out later was due to the combination of medications I was taking). The day the doctor said he didn't know what else to do for me short of shock treatment, I came to the stark realization that I had a choice to make. I could either continue being a victim, or I could take control of the situation and become a survivor.

Every day I struggle with depression and mood swings, but I've learned to recognize the symptoms for what they are. I've made a conscious choice to refuse to let the symptoms control me and have learned ways of coping with it. There are days I give in for a little while, taking the easy way until I can gather my thoughts and the strength to continue the battle. For the rest of my life I will continue to take up the battle every single day - for myself - and for those dear to me. Part of that battle is knowing others can't read my thoughts, and, more importantly, not expecting them to. It's important to keep open communication with those I love, baring my feelings (even if it's uncomfortable), and helping them to understand.

Healing and coping require choices. Again I ask...will you be a victim or a survivor? Will you choose to let your illness cause you to lash out at those who love you the most? Or will you choose to take control and not let things get out of hand. You can never completely take back the harsh, angry, out-of-control words or undo the harm they cause. It's your choice.

Introspections

Someone once said, "You are where you were when." In looking back over my life, I can see how true this is. The things I have experienced throughout my life have shaped me into the person I am.

Losing my father, who was my whole world, when I was an impressionable 9 year old taught me pain and loss.

Seeing my once-dependent mother take control and pull everything together after my father's death taught me courage and how to do what's necessary to take care of those I love.

Having my precious, 10-month-old daughter undergo major surgery to remove a kidney, then hearing the doctor say she had a disease with a high mortality rate, taught me the value of prayer.

Being a military wife taught me how important family is, to stand on my own and how to be flexible. From this I also learned that 'home' is truly where the heart is.

Travelling to foreign countries broadened my mind and reminded me to give thanks for the freedoms I took for granted.

Having teenagers showed me there are things much worse than your child wanting to pierce their ear or get a tattoo and I developed patience and tolerance (though probably not as quickly as my teenagers wish I had).

Suffering a betrayal none should ever have to experience taught me about distrust, emotional abandonment and abuse.

Divorce taught me about loneliness, as well as how to persevere in the face of adversity.

Losing my best friend in the prime of life taught me how precious our friends are and that we shouldn't pass up any opportunity to tell them how we feel.

Being owned by pets taught me unconditional love and selflessness.

Grandchildren...ah...the things grandchildren teach us! Love. Laughter. A renewal of hope.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the drift of what I'm saying. Good or bad, I'm thankful for the experiences in my life, for they have made me the person I am today...strong, independent, self-sufficient, loving, open-minded, spiritual, understanding, caring, and so much more. I truly am a product of where I was when.

There is an invaluable lesson tucked in the middle of these life experiences. We can either be victims or we can be survivors. The choice is ours to make. I choose to be a survivor.

So, I pose these questions...

How have the experiences in your life shaped you? Have you learned from them or have you chosen to become a victim? The choice is yours.

Introductions

Today is a new beginning for me. As related in the "Description", a former high school English teacher encouraged me to write and directed me toward an online blog, so here I am.

For years I've been told I should write, but could never decide what there was I could possibly write about that others would want to read. Granted, my life has been full of many varied experiences to draw upon. I've been married (twice, unfortunately) and have children and grandchildren. I also lived several years in Germany and had the opportunity to visit a few European countries and experience different cultures. I've had my share of love, laughter, heartache, sadness and have lived through it all and kept my sanity. (Well, at least some would say I'm not insane...yet!)

At Mary's encouragement, I'm going to try blogging to see where it takes me. Hopefully it will open some channels to help me find my niche as a writer. With any luck, it will also be a source of entertainment or learning for others. If so, it will all be worthwhile.

So, come along with me, if you will, on a journey through my thoughts.